Nightmare
by WildWyvern
Summary: RoyEd, just saying that right now, anyway Roy and Ed have to go together on a very dangerous mission will they both make it out alive or will they be torn apart forever?
1. proaloge

**Hi long time no post, anyway this is RoyEd, so go away if you don't like, my muse has been pestering me about this for a long time, i actualy had to create a set up because my muse started halfway through so i am not so sure about it, anyway hope this is enough of a teaser for the rest, it should be updated soon, maybe in a week or so, depending on the intrest.**

**Prologue:**

_When I was a kid I had it all planned out. What I would do with my life was as clear to me as if it were written in a book, and as sure as if it was carved in stone. With the naivety that all children have, I knew, I just knew, and nothing could prevent it from going to plan, that was also known._

_I resolved to master the difficult fire alchemy, I'd join the army after that, become a state alchemist to better my art and to help people with it. 'Alchemist be thou for the people.' I would be famous and loved, and earn it. But the most important aspect of my life would be to marry the world's most beautiful blond and together we would have the happiest of ever afters._

_Simple right? Wrong, oh so wrong._

_I did master fire alchemy, I am a state alchemist, and I'd like to think that I helped some people. I am very well known… though not always loved. But those last two aspirations were fueled by the innocent mind of a child and never were really that reasonable._

_It is the last part that is truly tormenting me. The blond part of the equation. Therein lies the rub as they say._

_Over the years I've earned myself quite a reputation among the women. I'm plain good at it, I'm handsome, well groomed, and I have power but not so much as to scare them away. I know just what they want to hear and when they want to hear it. I literally have my pick of any woman I chose at any given moment._

_Blonds are always good; they are my favorite hands down. Yellow hair does something to me; I find it easy to see why paintings of beautiful people always have blond hair._

_The problem isn't with finding my blond. I found the one my heart wants a while ago; though my mind knows it will end badly. Alas, everyone is victim to the foolish and blind heart._

"Sir" I blink, snapped out of my thoughts… well to be honest fantasies and reflections… and look up at my right hand man—er – woman Riza Hawkeye.

"Yes" I reply acting like I had really been working the whole time, lest she shoot me again.

"Sir you really need to pay attention to your work if you ever expect to reach your goal" she sighed giving me more of the afor mentioned work.

"… I wonder if the Furher has to do all this paper work, or do we lesser mortals have all the fun jobs?" I sigh getting to the work before she feels the need to draw her gun. While I find time to slip back into my day dream after she leaves.

_Now where was I? Oh yes my blond, my lovely blond. I found my blond a while ago, under the most peculiar circumstances for meeting a soul mate it seems like it should have been out of a soap opera. I'm not sure when it turned into love, maybe at first sight, maybe not, I can't tell._

_My blond is perfection, my blond is strong and determined, passionate and loyal, and one of the most brilliant alchemist I have ever known. My blond is gorgeous with a rare shade of blond that is almost never seen, and my blond's eyes… perfection._

_Perfect save the 14 year age difference, perfect save the gender issue, perfect save the violent attitude. Perfect save the fact that I am in love with Edward Elric who hates me like no other._

**well please push that pretty button, it will bring faster updates.**


	2. The mission

**Yay! two reviews already! i am so very happy! Thank you, anyway, here is the next chapter, this is still the set up, anyway I've drafted up several more chapters but I've hit a road block, at the end, it either end mostly one sided, since the only way i can think to twist that outcome into reciprocated is clumsy and awkward in my mind, or it will be different that the way i orrigonaly intended to end it but Ed loves Roy back, anyway Vote if you care or I'll just pick whichever one i think is less clumsy... i don't want to spoil anything about either ending though, anyway thank you to my reviewers! you know who you are!**

**oh and updates will be slower, maybe two or three weeks between them, just a warning.**

**and i think i forgot this last chapter, have any of you seen anything like this in the series? no didn't think so, FMA is my drug, i don't own it... saddness!**

**The Mission:**

I entered my office the next day only to be met with King Bradly standing behind my desk. He turned to face me as I entered and just inside the doorway I saluted as I should.

"At ease Colonel" he laughed gently "I'm just here to give you a very important mission."

"A Mission Sir?"

"That's right, the former Nightmare Alchemist, Mike Vega has been spotted recently." I flinched slightly at that statement.

_Mike Vega, I had served under him for a time. He was cruel and ruthless; he loved killing even more than Kimbly, and torture even more than killing. His alchemy was truly terrifying, and he had no qualms about using it to maintain 'order' among his own subordinates, or to keep the higher ups from stopping him._

_Nightmare Alchemist was right, his very unique alchemy trapped you in the worst nightmare your subconscious could produce, and was different to any individual. I always speculated that if Vega had a nightmare it would be that he couldn't use that alchemy anymore. The effects were particularly strong on those with dark pasts, or young soldiers on the front line and killing for the first time. And the nightmares were intense, you could feel and smell, taste and hear, along with seeing the terrors, and they were so vivid, so real that most people subjected to it never fully convinced themselves that the nightmare was all in their head and not reality._

"I know that you are familiar with him Colonel, that's why I'm sending you. He is to be captured dead or alive, and I needed a strong alchemist that knows what he is capable of." Bradly continued.

"Yes Sir"

"Oh and as this is such a dangerous mission I want you to take a partner… let's see… how about Fullmetal?" Bradly said walking around the desk and half way to the door.

"F-Fullmetal?!"

"Yes, is there a problem with him Colonel? He is a very talented alchemist, I'm sure he's up to the challenge."

"N-n-no Sir, no problem"

"Good, well then it's settled, here is the rest of the file, I'd better get back to my office before that overly cautious secretary of mine notices I left. Good luck" He said putting a folder on my desk and leaving.

_Of course I have a million reasons for not wanting Edward to go on this particular mission. But I can't exactly say any of them to Bradly now can I?_

_One, Edward already hates reporting to me, he would loath going alone on a mission with me._

_Two, Edward's past makes him particularly prone to Vega's Alchemy_

_Three, Edward is sometimes way too confident in his own abilities and underestimates his opponents, very bad with a man like Vega._

_The list goes on and on._

I sighed slumping down in my seat looking at the file, seeing Vega looking up at me from the small photo on the cover. "Great, just great" I muttered trying to both brace and compose myself for what I now would have to do.

"Sir… what was that about?" Hawkeye asked walking in.

"I have been assigned a mission directly from Bradly himself" I said. "To bring Mike Vega to justice" she flinched, she never met him but I had told her enough for her to get the idea. "Lt. could you call Fullmetal in here? He is also assigned this mission with me."

"Yes Sir" she said leaving.

A few minutes later and my office door banged open announcing the arrival of Edward.

"What do you want now Colonel?" Ed snapped "today is my day off in case you forgot"

"I know Fullmetal, but the king gave us a top priority mission." I said not looking up at him, trying to compose myself, distance myself, lest he catch on to something.

"… the king, what is it?" Ed asked curiosity coloring his snappish tone.

I looked at him hoping to impress on him the importance and severity of this mission, on how necessary it was that he listen to me and follow my commands for once. "You and I are to bring in a rouge alchemist. Mike Vega, formerly known as the Nightmare Alchemist"

"… You're joking right?" he asked angry again "I'm supposed to go on a mission with you? What the mighty Flame Alchemist can't risk breaking a nail or something and wants me to do the heavy lifting?"

"Fullmetal! Grow up, what are you ten? The king ordered the both of us to go, and Vega is not your run of the mill third rate, two bit dabbler, he was a state alchemist and is very dangerous." I growled at him "I expect you to behave and do your duty as a solider!" I shouted at him, taking out on him my frustrations at the king for doing this to Edward. As usual my cover to hide my unhealthy concern for the young man was by treating him like a little kid. Probably why he hates me so much.

Edward frowned, glaring at me "alright fine then" he growled "so what's with this Vega guy, why is he so special?" he was only just barely submitting, and promising that it would not last long at all with his tone.

"Here is the file; we leave at oh-eight-hundred hours tomorrow." I said handing him the file "be on time Fullmetal" I warned, though I was secretly praying to a god I don't believe in that he did miss the train and would stay here safe and sound.

"Quit treating me like a kid damn it!" he shouted "don't worry about me, just get your own lazy ass there Colonel" he added in a growl "can I go now?"

"… Dismissed Fullmetal" I watched him leave hoping that in the end everything would be ok. If anything happened to Edward… I don't know what I would do.

**oh forshadowing maybe? anyway review, it makes me and my muse happy and a happy muse is a productive muse. please review!**


	3. Day one

**Here is the next instalment!, and i still would like feed back on whether this should end one sided or not (see top authors note for ch 2), thank you! anyway, i somehow feel this chapter is not quite on the same level as the others so far, maybe it's just me... oh well please leave a review if you like this it keeps me from just trashing the whole story because i feel like it's inadaquate to give you fine people!**

**Day 1:**

The next morning found me rushing into the station just barely on time. I jumped quickly on the train and found a seat across from Edward who had his nose buried in the file.

"Morning Fullmetal" I said.

"Sure" he grunted, he didn't even glance up at me his eyes just continuing to scan the pages in front of him.

Since he was obviously not paying much attention to anything that was not the file I found myself taking the opportunity to take in as much of his appearance as I could. He was in his normal outfit, except the bright red coat, and his hair was down in a ponytail instead of the braid, it made him look that much cuter… _oh no that is not the right train of thought for me to take…let's see… younger! That's it! It made him look younger! Far, far too young for me… damn I am so bad at this…_

"What are you looking at?" I jerked slightly just now noticing Edward glaring at me.

"nothing Fullmetal, so I see you waited until the last minute to read the file" I smirked hoping to get him riled up so he'd forget I was staring at him.

"I've read it already, last night for your information, bastard" he growled "I'm just trying to figure out how he does it, no matter how I look at it, it's too close to human transmutation for my liking." He continued more to himself really, like he was thinking out loud.

"…oh right" I said really feeling dumb, of course a child prodigy like him would be curious to the mechanics of it, even if I was sure he would never use it on anyone if he did know… and I had never really thought that hard about Vega's alchemy I had just tried to avoid annoying him so he didn't use it on me.

Edward gave me a half angry, half wary look before again diving into the file. I hated that the only looks he ever really sent my way were laced with anger. As silence stretched between us again and I had nothing to do on the long train ride I settled back into the seat and lost myself to thought.

_I recall once, when I'd had a day off, I had seen Edward and his brother in the park, together, as usual. This had been in the early days of his military career, he had only been twelve. And at the time he'd been acting like it too. They were both goofing off; playing like kids their age should, although it was strange to see a giant suit of armor playing like a little kid. It must have been a rare opportunity for them to forget the weight they bore. Anyway, every time Edward looked at Alphonse, there had been so much love and happiness on his face he just seemed to glow. Even though I did have better things to be doing I found myself hiding from their sight and watching them, watching him. Imagining that those looks of love were for me, or at least one day would be. I watched him for an hour before I felt way too much like a dirty old man and left._

"Thinking of one of your girlfriends Colonel?" I blinked looking over at Edward who was smirking at me.

"What?"

"The look on your face is the same that Al gets when he talks about Winry" he said.

"Yeah sure, you caught me" I said, better not to tell him who exactly I was thinking of. "So, Winry, she's your mechanic right?"

"Former, yeah, and childhood friend."

"Former, right. You know it's strange to thing that you really don't have automail anymore."

"What's so weird about it, it's not like I was born with automail" he grumbled, before his stomach followed.

"Hungry?" I asked smirking, only to have my own stomach betray me as well. Edward laughed slightly and even though I liked the sound, liked that I was the reason, even if it were partially at my expense, I frowned acting put off. Fortunately the meal cart came by just then and we both ordered our lunches eating in companionable silence.

"So how is Alphonse?" I asked, wanting to talk with Edward some more and fairly certain that his younger brother was a safe topic.

"Great, he's become the town doctor…" Edward said. "He makes medicine with alchemy, and helps Winry with her automail patents too"

"That's good to hear"

"Yeah, I'm glad he can settle down like that, he never really liked all the traveling we did"

"No?"

"Yeah, sometimes I'd be lying in bed pretending to sleep and I'd hear him talking to himself. He traveled because he wanted to make sure I was ok, but all he really wanted was to settle down and live a normal life"

"And what about you?"

"Huh?" he looked up with a confused expression on his face.

"What do you want out of life?" I asked, I still wondered why he stayed in the military.

"I never really liked staying still" he said waving it off. "Oh hey did I tell you yet?" he suddenly perked up.

"… Tell me what?"

"Apparently I'm going to be an uncle soon" he grinned.

"Uncle?" where did that come from?

"… Did I not tell you Al and Winry married a year ago?" he looked blankly at me.

"No you didn't Fullmetal"

"…huh." He shrugged "well I did now"

"What about you, do you have anyone you're seeing?" I regretted it as soon as it was out of my mouth, that was none of my business and was definitely prying.

"Nope"

I blinked at his frank answer, and the slight sadness that his tone seemed to carry. "No? Why not?" I really needed to control my mouth where did that come from.

Edward looked at me like he felt things were getting too personal, I knew he never really liked talking about his feelings much. "Not now at any rate, I couldn't"

"Couldn't?"

Again with the look but he answered the half phrased question again "I'm not ready to settle down yet, maybe later, but I could never do to anyone what _he _did to us… to her…"

"…" I felt a bit bad now; I should have realized one of his worst nightmares was to become his father. I searched for a new topic to ease the conversation a little.

"Anyway, what about you? Still stealing any girl Havoc likes?" he asked.

"That is none of your business Fullmetal" I said.

"Right, you get to know everything about me, but you have your secrets" he growled.

"I am your superior, and I didn't make you say anything" I said.

"I can still kick your ass" he huffed and the brief and non violent conversation ended like that, he dug out a book and began reading ignoring me entirely.

_I wish I hadn't said that, those kinds of pointless conversations are so rare as it is with him, but I enjoy them._

_I do often forget that he actually got his brother and himself back to normal. It was two years ago, he just showed up one day with Alphonse back in the flesh, grinning like an idiot, though he had every right to be happy. I had felt my heart sink at that though; I feared that he would leave the military now that he had no more use for it. He did take the vacation time he had stocked since he joined, all two and a half months of it in his home town after that. _

_But he came back, Alphonse stayed in Reisembool apparently hooking up with their friend, but Edward stayed in the military. I don't know why, I asked him once and he said basically that he was too used to the constant missions, and that he needed to feel like he was doing something._

_Sometimes I liked to imagine that he stayed because he secretly liked me too, and we were both tormenting ourselves for nothing. Though when I think more rationally, I think it was more that he probably didn't have any idea what to do with himself now that the impossible dream was met, and/or he was feeling like a third wheel at home._

I sighed forcing myself to stare out the widow watching the rather unimpressive landscape zoom by to distract myself from fanaticizing about or staring at Edward.

"Hey, Colonel, wake up, we're here!" I was shaken awake from a doze I had unknowingly slipped into sometime during the trip by Edward.

"Oh right, thanks" I mumbled grabbing my things as he headed out ahead of me.

Zarria's train station was barely that, it was basically a raised platform with a hand rail and stairs on either side by the train tracks, a small shack on one side served as the ticket counter. The town proper was entirely visible from the small platform, a few shops and businesses lining the main road and that was about it. A few residences were close to the shops but there were more further out, mostly small farms.

"So, Colonel, what do we do now?" Edward asked me glancing around the tiny town.

"Let's find the hotel and rest, it was a long train ride, and it's nearly dark anyway." I said, slightly surprised that he asked me.

"Sounds good" Now I was worried, Edward not only asking for my input but listening to it? Something was very wrong here. "What?" he snapped glaring at me, I must have been staring again.

"Are you feeling alright Fullmetal?"

"Fine, are you bastard?" he snapped snatching up his bag and stomping down the dirt road. I grabbed my own bag following him to the only hotel in town.

We entered the building at the same time and the middle aged woman at the counter looked up at us.

"Hello ma'am, we'd like a room for the night." I said before Edward could open his mouth.

"Sure, what brings you folks to Zarria?" she said rummaging behind the counter.

"Work" I said simply.

"… Are you maybe here to take care of… _him_?" She asked "you are from the military right? You came to save us?"

"Uh…"

"Yeah, that's us; do you know where he is?" Edward said smiling kindly at her.

"No… I'm sorry" I got the feeling that she really did know but I did not blame her for being too scared to tell anyone.

"Thank you anyway" Edward said politely and cheerfully. The woman handed me the keys and directed us to the room.

First however we sat at the tables to get dinner as the ride had taken all day. After a silent dinner we headed to the room.

As soon as the door closed Edward claimed the bed closest to the door frowning at me.

"It's been a while since you were in a small town like this huh?" he said looking at me.

"What makes you say that?"

"most people out in the country don't much like the military, you have no idea how many times I had to sleep outside because of the military's reputation, you were lucky that she wants Vega taken care of more than she hates the military." He said matter of factly "it is just another reason I refuse to put on that stupid uniform"

"Really, and what about you? If she had thrown me out"

"I met you on the train and had no relation to you at all" he smirked.

"You'd let me get kicked out?"

"Yeah, of course, you are the one who came unprepared, the field is a harsh place Mustang, not like your safe desk" he continued smirking.

"Don't forget Fullmetal, you are supposed to protect your superiors" I smirked back at him, I love him, but I _cannot_ let it show even to him, let him think I'm the same manipulative bastard I was when he started this job, it is better that way. For both of us… at least that is what I keep telling myself.

"… Whatever it worked out didn't it?" He frowned getting up and going into the bathroom, shortly I heard the shower start running; I decided to take a walk before I could fall too deep into fanaticizing about Edward in the shower.

I opened the door noticing that the room was completely dark now. I had walked around the town before returning. "…E…Fullmetal?" I asked quietly looking around. I saw him laying on the bed he'd claimed as his own already asleep and on top of the sheets. He was in a black tank top and plain white boxers. His hair was down and in the dim light it glowed like a halo around him. I walked up to stand near the head of his bed looking down at him. His face was almost completely relaxed, a calm expression gracing his features. It was then that I noticed the white line around his shoulder… right were the automail used to be attached… I glanced and saw the same thing with his leg, he had the limbs back but the scars remained, how was that fair? I tugged the sheets from under him as gently as I could pulling them over him so he wouldn't get cold.

I caught my hand just before it started tracing the scars, his skin was not mine to touch, and I loved him far too much to violate him to any extent. I entered the bathroom to take an ice cold shower to stop those inappropriate thoughts. Afterward I crawled into my bed and let myself sleep, in my dreams going to a world where he and I were one.

**... Roy's a dirty old man haha, not really, he's just in love really bad, he only fears he'd do something to Ed, he wouldn't, he loves him too much.**

**oh and if anyone is interested i also have another RoyEd cooking, it's differnt than this one, it starts with them already in a realtionship... although poor Roy messes up badly. anyway i might put it up soon, i just want to let you know what may happen, also that long promised sequel to Hardest task may or may not be coming, no matter how i write it. it seems to take away from the origonal, but i hate leaving Ed so hurt without helping him more, and parental Roy Ed is good too!**

**enough ranting though, please Review! (shameless puppyeye usage) please!**


	4. Day two

**O_o Wow, you people are fantastic, so many new reveiws so fast! Thank you for your input too, I apreciate it, wow, you all have made me so happy, and thank you ****Actractivlyhideous ****for saying that the chapter is still up to snuff, I hope this one doesn't disappoint anyone too, here you all go!**

**Oh and Happy holidays to everyone! whatever you celebrate just in case i don't update until next year! a gift from me and my muse to you!**

**Day 2:**

"_Roy…" I looked over at Ed laying next to me looking up with half closed eyes._

"_Yes Ed?"I responded nuzzling his chest, he was only in his boxers I smiled._

_He moaned seeming to lose track of what he was going to say._

"_What? Ed am I distracting you?" I laughed and smirked lovingly at him before dusting his neck with small kisses._

_He laughed and moaned in pleasure "yes" he said through laughs "you jerk, stop it!"_

"_Do you really want me to stop?"_

"_No"_

"_What did you want?" I pulled him close breathing in his scent. He nuzzled against my neck nipping lightly._

"… _I love you so much Roy" he sighed into my neck. "I want to be together always, I feel right in your arms, like I belong"_

"_You do belong Ed" I said "is that what you wanted to say?" I added laughing gently._

"…_mmm huh? Oh well with a man like you kissing me I forgot…" he smiled lightly "so it must not have been important"_

"_Everything you say is important to me"_

I woke up as sunlight found its way through the blinds and into my eyes. "Nugh…" I groaned rolling over before seeing my blond companion asleep in the other bed; he'd shifted so his right arm hung over the edge as he lay half on his side, half on his stomach. For a minute I thought it was wrong, we should be in the same bed if he was with me… then I remembered the mission, and this was harsh reality.

I grunted standing up before opening the blinds. Edward grunted rolling so his face was buried in the pillow. "Rise and shine!" I said turning to him.

"Uhg, you really are the most annoying person in the world aren't you bastard?" he growled glaring at me.

"Up Fullmetal we have a job to do"

"Yeah well sorry we all didn't sleep all day yesterday, leave me alone" he grumbled burrowing into the sheets.

"… Fullmetal I order you up" I said after all if I had to be up this early then so would he, or I might do the unthinkable in a moment of weakness, why couldn't he see I was saving him from me? Oh that's right… I make sure he won't see any of it.

"alright already," he hissed sitting up "you're right for once, the sooner we get this done the sooner I can get on with my life instead of being trapped in the middle of nowhere with you"

"I couldn't agree more" I said feeling a small stab in my heart as I said the exact opposite of what I really felt.

He snorted gabbing some clothes and stalking off to the bathroom.

We ate breakfast in silence before heading out. "Fullmetal, I think we could cover more ground if we split up and searched"

"Great see ya!" he said starting off.

"Wait! Fullmetal, if you do find anything wait until we meet up again, don't try to do things on your own!" I called after him.

"Whatever, I don't need you to tell me what to do" he growled not turning or stopping.

"You are impossible" I sighed hoping he would heed my warning. I turned to head in the opposite direction than he had gone.

…

I had questioned anyone I had come across and found no clues whatsoever; I was exhausted after spending the fruitless day searching and wanted some dinner and to sleep. I entered the inn and looked around for Edward expecting him to be eating already.

"Uh excuse me ma'am?" I asked the inn keeper.

"Yes?"

"Have you seen my companion?"

"The blond boy? No not since you two left this morning" she said.

"Right thank you" I said feeling something twist inside me. I shook my head to clear it, he was not that stupid, he must just not be back yet, I must have just beat him back.

"Can I get you anything?" she asked.

"Uh, yeah I'll have the stew thanks" I said, not really hungry anymore but not wanting to be rude. And maybe food would help me keep reality in check.

"_Wow Mustang, how lame can you be?" Edward laughed at me walking in looking smug._

"_That's no way to speak to your superior"_

"_Whatever, you should see your face, jeeze what did you think, I ran off leaving you on your lonesome?" he smirked sitting down across from me at the table._

"_I was concerned for your safety, if you get hurt it's my responsibility Fullmetal!"_

"… _yeah wouldn't want the extra sheets of paperwork would we, egotistical bastard" he growled leaning back in his chair. "Anyway_, sir, your stew is ready_"_

"What was that, Fullmetal?"

"Fullmetal? Sir, I just said your stew is ready… are you ok?" I blinked seeing the inn keeper looking at me and the bowl in front of me. Edward was nowhere to be seen.

I shook my head to clear it "I'm fine, just tired I guess, thank you" I said forcing a smile. I really had to stop fantasizing all the time… admittedly that was not the usual way my fantasies worked, in that one Edward had seemed reasonably like he really was.

"Ok, enjoy sir" the woman said leaving.

I ate the soup silently taking my time and glancing up every time someone came close to the inn windows, by the time I was done there was still no Edward and the sun was almost fully set.

"Where are you?" I asked myself walking outside to see if maybe he was walking down the street now. I looked around but then a minor earthquake and a loud explosion startled me. I looked over at the source and saw smoke rising from out in the farmland. "Edward!" I felt the fear curled in my gut twist and writhe, before I knew it I was off and running to where the smoke was rising.

There was a small crowd in a large perimeter around the shack that was currently ablaze when I got there. "What happened?" I asked looking around. No one seemed to care about putting out the blaze; everyone was more than a safe distance from it. For that matter no one seemed to be listening to me either they were talking softly among themselves.

"Do you think that will stop him?"

"I'm not even sure that death can touch that monster"

"How did the fire start?"

"Someone is in big trouble."

"EXCUSE ME BUT WILL SOMEONE TELL ME WHAT HAPPENED?!" I shouted in my most commanding voice. The people looked at me startled as if they had just noticed me then they frowned.

"Why should we tell the military anything?"

"What have any of you done to help us?"

"Who do you think you are?"

"You don't know who you're dealing with."

I was getting quite frustrated but before I was far too tempted to snap and start a whole new fire a small tug came on my pant leg. I looked down and saw a little girl looking up at me.

"Mister… you have to help him"

"Help who?"

"The blond man, he went in there and then it blew up"

My heart clenched hearing that. "Thank you" I gasped out rushing up as far as the heat of the fire would allow. How did I know Edward was in the middle of this? I raised my gloved hand and manipulated the oxygen and hydrogen in the atmosphere away from the fire to smother it careful to not remove all the oxygen incase I suffocated more than just the fire.

Once the fire was out I rushed all the way up finding mostly burnt fallen timbers. To my huge relief I couldn't smell any burnt flesh, an acrid smell I was all too familiar with. That said there was no sign of anyone in the rubble. I shifted through it desperate to find some sign of where he was when I saw a small trapdoor. I pried it up and saw a long dark tunnel leading underground.

I crawled down once I was standing on the ground again I snapped my fingers maintaining a small flame to light my way and began walking down the tunnel.

Shortly the tunnel branched off in two separate directions. "Damn it!" I looked down both paths trying to decide which one to take, praying that I picked the right one and got there in time.

Faintly I heard the sounds of some conflict and faint voices echoing down the hall and I tried to make out which direction the sounds were coming from.

"Fullmetal!" I shouted choosing a path and running down it. I repeated the process each time I ran into a fork until I was standing in what looked like a dead end. "Oh no… I must have taken a wrong turn." I was about to dash back to the last turn and try the other way when I saw a brief flash of light from a hairline crack in front of me. I pushed on the wall and it gave way reveling a large well lit room.

I glanced around quickly seeing Mike Vega on one side of the room and Edward on the other both seemed to be throwing attacks with alchemy neither getting too close to the other.

Vega sent a wave of the floor at Edward and by reflex I called out "Watch out Fullmetal!"

"What?" Edward looked over at me distracted, the wave hit him and he flew back into the wall behind him.

"Fullmetal!"

Vega smirked and I saw him pull out his own glove with the array for his own signature alchemy, put it on and slam his hand into the ground.

Edward groaned trying to stand up a small trickle of blood making its way down his forehead.

"No!" I gasped seeing the energy travel through the floor towards Edward I started running hoping to get to Edward before it did.

Almost there…

**well, it is sort of a cliffy, but my test audience, that is my roommate in college and my friend from high school DragonGirl90 on this site, could guess the basic plot of the next chapter and a half, but whatever, maybe she just knows me too well, or maybe not. at any rate please review, i am thrilled with how many i already have but encouragement or advice is always welcome, there should be three or four more chapters just so everyone knows!**


	5. lost

**Happy New Year! uh... i will ask for forgiveness right now and remind people that there are at least two more chapters to follow and so please do not kill me.**

**i do not own FMA, i do not own it in a box, i do not own it with a fox... (bonus points to anyone who gets the allusion)**

**Lost:**

I was a foot from Edward when the energy hit him, he had just stood up and looked up when it hit.

"Colonel!" He gasped and stiffened almost like he had been doused with ice water. I froze seeing that, knowing what had happened. Then Edward fell to his knees his eyes wide but not seeing anything in the room. "No, no, no, no, no" he gasped whispering the mantra in a voice that occasionally cracked still staring wide eyed ahead.

Vega laughed evilly before looking over at me. "Roy boy! Long time no see!" he said like we were old friends.

"Shut up and let him go!" I growled glaring at him.

"Who? Oh that obnoxious boy?" Vega said glancing at Edward "man he was a pain in the ass, I have no idea how he found me"

"Take off the alchemy"

"Oh well I see you are still as stiff as ever, what's wrong Roy, where are your manners, not even saying hi to your old colonel?"

"Right like anyone was fond of you"

"Yeah, well you kids really needed to be taught to loosen up. Far too stressed the lot of you"

"You had better take that alchemy off my subordinate or so help me Vega…"

"Oh ho! He's in the military too, well fancy that…"

"Vega!"

"Oh wow nice scary voice there Roy what are you now? A colonel, well that is impressive" he laughed clapping lightly.

I snapped my fingers sending a jet of fire next to his head. "You had better start cooperating Vega"

"Well, I guess I'll have to teach you your manners again then. Bring it Roy, show me what you have!" Vega grinned dropping to his knees and sketching a quick array sending spikes my way. I dodged them sending a jet of fire at his hands hoping to disable him from any alchemy; he erected a wall to block my attack at the last minute.

I glared at him then sent another jet of fire followed by a second the first to blow up the new wall he erected and the second to hit him but he dodged the second shot barely. "Wow you've improved Roy!" he laughed, "of course I'm still better" he smirked "because you are still soft, not wanting to kill, even if it is me" he put his gloved hand down and sent his special alchemy at me "now, go to sleep like a good boy now Roy"

I quickly snapped cutting the alchemy off before it hit me. Vega frowned before grinning wickedly "Roy, have I shown you my newest trick?" before I could react he again slammed his hand down and sent a wave of alchemy at me, but before it hit it swerved around and I heard Edward shout out behind me.

I spun to see Edward had again gotten hit with the alchemy and now it seemed his nightmare was worse, he was curled up with his eyes closed tightly whimpering. My heart broke seeing him so distressed and I turned back to face Vega with a snarl.

"What did you do to him?!"

"Oh Roy, loosen up, I just figured out how to make the nightmares even better, now he's in a nightmare within his nightmare!" Vega cackled dodging the flame attack I had tried to hit him with while he was distracted. "Close one that was, he muttered putting out a few smoldering hairs on the side of his head "you have improved, even if you lack the spirit to kill, oh and Roy, making more beautiful nightmares is only the beginning of what I have learned to do since we last met, if I hit them with it enough sometimes they kill themselves, it's fantastic! They are no longer frozen or just curled up! They become just aware enough to do it!" He laughed again. "So Roy, how much do you think that runt-of-the-litter can take?" He smirked eyes glinting darkly as the full extent of his deranged mind showed itself.

"I won't let you have the chance to do anything" I growled snapping three times in quick succession trying to hit him; he quickly erected more walls to block the flames. I growled under my breath snapping quickly hoping to send at least one fireball that would hit him before he could defend or dodge. Soon I had to stop the dust and smoke making it hard to see and breath, I coughed hearing Vega coughing as well. I got control of my breathing and peered through the still settling dust, suddenly I saw Vega's alchemy shoot out and I stopped it just in time to keep it from hitting Edward again and a second to stop the one coming at me.

"Very nice, who said you can't teach and old dog? You are learning, oh well, I guess I'll just have to try harder! I like this Roy I haven't had this much fun in years!" Vega chuckled, "however, I am an older man and I am getting tired so let's wrap this up quickly shall we?" he pulled out a gun pointing it at me and fired. I jumped to the side looking up as he started laughing madly.

"What are you laughing about? You missed!" I growled

"I never miss!" he smirked like he had won.

My eyes widened and I looked over to look at Edward who was now lying on his back, and choking. "Fullmetal!" I ran over to him, his eyes were again wide and clouded but now there was pain as well as the alchemy causing it. He was coughing up blood gasping for air and his chest was soaked in blood too. I nearly choked seeing that the bullet had hit him right in the middle of his chest. I put my hand on the wound hoping to stop the bleeding feeling my heart stop in my chest as his blood flowed through my fingers soaking into my glove. "Hang on Edward, keep breathing!" I whispered desperatly.

He gasped once more before he stopped breathing, his eyes darkening with death.

"No! Edward! I started CPR even though I knew it was worthless while Vega cackled in the background. After my arms got too tired to keep pressing on his chest I looked up at Vega.

"Wow, Mustang you really liked that little runt didn't you!" Vega laughed.

"You killed him!" I screamed "how dare you insult him!"

"… Oh I see, it was more than that, you loved him! You loved that pathetic runt!" Vega smirked "you know this is so much better! That brat spent his last minutes in a nightmare that was all in his head, but now you are living a real one better than anything I could make up! The fact that you will have to live the rest of your life without your tiny lover!"

"I SAID NOT TO INSULT EDWARD YOU BASTARD!" I screamed snapping at him with my clean gloved hand. It had taken him by surprise and was a much larger fire than I usually made and it engulfed him.

I watched as he burned shrieking in laughter until he was dead, my chest was heaving and I was not done yet. I snapped again and again burning his ashes, and his ashes, ashes, determined to leave nothing of the man.

"EDWARD WAS A THOUSAND TIMES THE MAN ANYONE COULD HOPE TO BE! YOU KILLED HIM YOU BASTARD! YOU'LL PAY, I'LL MAKE YOU BURN IN HELL FOREVER!" I shouted until my voice was raw and smoke from my fires clogged my lungs before the anger ebbed away and I collapsed sobbing. I crawled over to Edward cradling his dead body to me "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry Edward this is my fault, I should have protected you, you shouldn't be dead" I cried holding him leaving the rest unvoiced _'it should have been me'_

Finally I got enough control of myself to hold in the tears and begin getting out of here. I looked around seeing the scorched crater that marked Vega's last location. I gently closed Edward's eyes and lifted him up leaving the room. I paused and snapped one last time setting the room and all Vega's remaining notes on fire before making my way with Edward out of the labyrinth.

The villagers were still standing around when I emerged. "Vega is dead" I said hollowly not looking up, just staring at Edward.

I don't really remember much after that until the funeral, I was a rainy day as if the very heavens were mourning his loss while he was put next to his mother. I stood apart from everyone, Alphonse and Winry cried openly and held onto each other for comfort. Lt. Colonel Edward Elric, as broken as I was I couldn't help but think he would hate that promotion, was lowered with a full gun salute and everything. I knew that the world should rightly cry for his loss but I also for once felt like it was a betrayal, I found I wanted the world to know I was crying, I knew there were tears streaming down my face but the noisy shaky sobs were gone leaving only still silent tears and the rain hid my pain.

I left after everyone else except Alphonse and Winry, Hawkeye dragged me away.

I was hollow for the whole train ride back to Central I am not sure if Hawkeye caught on to my true reason for the silence but she didn't try to stop my grief so it was ok.

I found myself in my room not quite sure when I had gotten back and just collapsed onto the bed letting sleep take me since I was mostly unconscious anyway.

_I woke up seeing Edward lying next to me. I jumped out of the bed in shock which woke him up._

"_Uhnn… Roy? What's the matter?" he asked looking sleepy._

"_What are you doing here?"_

"_Getting cold come back here" he said holding out a hand._

"_No! This is wrong you're dead!"_

_He frowned "oh so that's how it is huh?"_

"… _How what is?"_

"_While I'm alive you can molest me in your dreams but now that I'm dead suddenly its sacrilege or something?"_

"_Mo-molest I never…"_

"_Right, look Mustang I think you need to figure out what you really want"_

"_I want Edward"_

"_What Edward? The one you used to dream of all the time the one that returned your feelings, or do you want the young man who you killed, or maybe it's the boy who you put in the military?" he sneered._

"… _No it's not like that"_

"_Isn't it though? So you're trying to say that you are not a dirty old man?"_

"_No"_

"_That you never did anything to try and keep him closer"_

"_I never…"_

"_Ha! And you have the gall to say you loved him?!" Edward stood up "you never really loved him! After all you killed him!"_

"_It was Vega!"_

"_You keep telling yourself that!" he growled darkly disappearing._

_I was left alone sobbing on my floor._

I woke up panting from the nightmare. I got up and went to the bathroom to splash cold water on my face.

-_You never really loved him!_-

I gasped seeing the dream Edward shout that in the mirror. I shook my head, that couldn't be true I did love him; I worked so hard to protect him!

But I failed, and this was just the crown jewel of them all. Every time he came back bandaged up from a mission, all the problems he had gotten into because of the military, those were all my fault.

He deserved so much better.

I failed him.

It should have been me.

I should never have let him go off alone.

I should have gotten there faster.

I should have fried Vega first. It's not like I had't killed before, if I had gone to kill Vega first maybe Edward would still be here.

I should have… I could have… why didn't I?

"Get over yourself bastard!" I turned seeing Edward standing in the doorway to the bathroom, he looked like he had when he died complete with the dead eyes, blood on his forehead, and hole in his chest.

"… Wha…"

"Could haves, should haves and you pitying your lot in life aren't going to help me now you bastard!" he hissed walking forward and grabbing my by the front of my shirt. "I'm dead! And you are the reason for it! Face up to it!"

"I never… Edward"

"tch, whatever" he growled pushing me against the sink letting go and turning away, the impact and the suddenness of it caused me to collapse to my knees on the floor. He paused at the doorway again head lowered and fists clenched tightly and shaking. "Where is the equivalency in this? After everything I have been through, after all my loss, why couldn't I have some small happiness?" he whispered just loud enough for me to hear.

"Edward…"

"I was going to be an uncle, aw man… damn it Mustang you fucking made me Hohenhime!" he turned growling the last part at me. "It may not be my son or daughter but I know Al and Winry will tell them stories about me, damn it and I won't be there!"

"… I'm so sorry Edward…"

"Oh I'm so sure! You lost a valuable pawn right!"

"No! Ed!"

"you have no right to call me Ed, damn I really hate you, no that's wrong, hate, hell even loath is not a strong enough word!"

"…please" I whispered weakly.

"Humph, right and why should I do you any favors!"

"… You're right" I groaned looking at the floor. "I'm terrible"

"… I don't know why I even bothered" Edward growled "you never learn anyway, Hughes was right"

"Maes?!" I looked up to see him glaring down at me coldly.

"yeah, he told me not to come, that you would just do this over to someone else eventually after drinking yourself to oblivion a few months" he glowered "I've wasted enough time here," he said with no emotion turning and leaving.

"Edward! Wait! Please…" I reached a hand out to try and stop him but he was already gone… "… I'm so sorry!" I sobbed curling up on my bathroom floor.

"_Colonel" I opened my eyes finding myself laying not in my bathroom but on a grassy hill. Looking up I saw Edward. I sat up quickly staring at him wondering what he would say to me now, not that I deserved any less than to be tormented like this. This time he was in a white T-shirt and white pants, his feet were bare and his hair was down, swaying gently in the breeze and seemed to glow softly in the sunlight._

"… _What? You like what you see?" he smirked noticing me staring._

"_Yes…" I said "Edward wait, before you say anything I need to tell you something." I added seeing him open his mouth to start talking._

"… _I'm listening" he looked curious as he sat down next to me._

"_Edward, I know it's too late, and even if it weren't that you would kill me for it but I have to tell you"_

"_Stop stalling like a school girl with a crush and get to the point."_

"… _I love you Edward" I looked at him waiting for him to kill me._

"_Well about damn time" he sighed looking up at the blue sky._

"_Wait… what?"_

"_Man Mustang are you that slow?" he grinned mischievously "hell everyone had bets going on when you'd confess"_

"… _They did?"_

"_Uh huh, well I guess I owe Falman one hundred"_

"…"

"_I told all of them they were nuts to think you would ever do it"_

"… _And…"_

"…" _he looked over at me smiling "and what?" he laughed at my indignant expression. Then he leaned in and kissed me "I love you too"_

"… _Come again?"_

"… _yep, for a long time now"_

"… _no you didn't" I sighed knowing that I would wake up and as good as this was, the better it was now, the more it would hurt later._

"… _What makes you say that?" he looked hurt and confused._

"_I know it, Edward could never have loved me, and anyway he's dead. And you are not him."_

"… _you know you should at least take what joy you can in your sleep instead of chasing it away all the time now" he sighed frowning "you used to just revel and go with the dream, now you keep injecting reality._

"_Why torture me like this! If I did that it would only hurt more when I woke up!"_

"_Well I'm not the one doing it Mustang, I'm just a figment of your own mind, you are doing this to yourself"_

"…"

"_You know, you wouldn't do this to yourself if you didn't feel you deserved it so why question it?"_

"_It hurts"_

"… _yeah well that's how these things go" he stood up sighing "well I think Hawkeye is trying to see if you are still alive, she knows that you are shaken by this, you might want to answer the phone"_

I opened my eyes once again on the bathroom floor and the phone ringing in my bedroom. With a groan I got up and answered it. "Hello"

"Colonel… did I wake you up?" Hawkeye asked over the phone.

"… sort of, did you need something?"

"… Sir, are you ok? You have been taking Edward's loss really hard…"

"What are you saying?"

"… Sir you liked him didn't you?"

"I like all my subordinates"

"… Don't play like that Sir, you loved him"

"… Was it that obvious?"

"You have been even worse that you were after… after Maes died, I know you well enough to tell that much Sir."

"… yeah… was that all"

"Do you… do you want me to come over, so you don't have to be alone?"

"No"

"… I understand, see you tomorrow?"

"Tomorrow?"

"Work sir… the world moves on for the living, whether we like it or not…"

-_"Fullmetal? What are you going to do now?"_

"_About what?"_

"… _I heard about how the stone is made…"_

"_Well that's just one way; we'll keep searching for a new way"_

"_How?"_

"_We've got legs, it would be hypocritical of me to tell everyone else to stand up and walk again if I didn't do it myself. As long as we're alive we got to keep moving, no matter what, we have to use our legs, so others don't have to carry us, cause the world aint stopping for us just because we hit some hardship. Life goes on for the living, that's the way of the world. Well that and Equivalent Exchange of course."_

"…_That's very mature of you squirt"_

"_Who are you calling some little kid just learning to walk you bastard!"_-

"Right, work… yeah" I sighed her comment reminding me of the conversation I had with Edward once.

I sighed again after I hung up the phone. Before I made my way down to my kitchen to grab some alcohol.

- _You would just do this over to someone else eventually after drinking yourself to oblivion a few months_-

I stopped remembering what Edward's ghost had said back in the bathroom. I looked at the half poured glass of scotch and frowned, I needed the alcohol and the peace it brought almost as much as I needed Edward back, but yet I felt like I deserved to suffer without my poison crutch if only to try and prove Edward wrong about one thing.

- _You never learn anyway, Hughes was right_-

I finished pouring the glass and downed it remembering that, the double pain of picking off the scab of Maes' death and Edward's recent death was too much for me to bear without the burning drink.

I spent the rest of the month like I had between Edward's death and his funeral, in a haze where I barely noticed anything, the nights were spent getting drunk and trying not to pass out lest I be tormented in one way or another by my subconscious. The drink may have played a role in my memory lapse for that time…

At the end of the month though a new event shattered the relative safety of the haze that kept me from thinking too much about anything. It was Edward's birthday.

"He would have been 20 today" I sighed staring at the paper in front of me, the paper that had reminded me, it was some work I had to do to finish finalizing his death. This was too cruel.

"… yes I believe he would have" Hawkeye said looking up, not needing to be told to know who I was talking about.

"… 20 he was so young…" I whispered to myself "far too young to die"

"Sir… are you ok?"

I glanced up at her feeling my heart shred itself all over again as if I had just lost him yesterday. "Yes I'm fine" I lied "I just need to take a walk" I said standing.

"… Ok sir but remember you still have a lot of paperwork to do."

"Right" I muttered walking out the door.

I walked to the cemetery and stopped at Maes' grave, Edward's was too far away for me to get to right now. "What am I supposed to do? I can't keep living like this, I can't, all I know is that either I figure out something or I'm going to snap, I can't I'm not nearly as strong as either of you were…"

The grave was silent, but the sky started to rumble, not wanting to get caught in the rain I decided I had better hurry back to the office. I wasn't fast enough though as three blocks away the rain began falling, not in a soft progression but in a deluge as if the sky had just ripped open and began dumping sheets of water on everything. I splashed through puddles squinting to see through the curtain of water when I saw two bright lights getting bigger and heard the screeching of tires. In the second I had before the car hit me I realized that I was in the middle of the road.

_Edward… I hope I get to see you… at least once more…_ I thought as searing pain shot through my whole body and I felt myself flying through the air, just before I heard a sickening thud and crunching and everything faded away.

***Hides* please don't kill me, there is more to the story… I know it looks bad… OK really bad…but, the next update should be soon, there are more chapters this is not the end. The next update will be based on how many reveiws, I get enough then I'll post soon, not so much and it may be longer. **

**on another note... i just love the picture i get in my head when Roy starts burning everything and walking out with Ed in his arms and the room behind him ablaze... not to mention the fact that someone else get's pissed when Ed gets called short... yay i am a fangirl! by the way i am one of those people who sees the stories i type up like a movie in my head, that is how my muse conveys it to me, and that is what i try to faithfully put into words. thank you.**

**Ahem, well please review… after this I hope you keep reading, I know I'm awful why do I hurt them so much! Bad muse!**


	6. Revilaton

**Hey there, thank you for sticking through the last chapter, i was expecting something along the lines of many of the reveiws, anyway without further ado here is the next installment!**

**well not true, i must still say i don't own FMA**

**Revelation:**

"Colonel, come on, wake up"

_Oh no, go away, I want to die, I can't keep going on like this. Just let me die in peace._

"Mustang, get up, enough now, snap out of it!"

_Wait… that voice… that voice it's… Edward's…_

"Damnit, come on you lazy bastard! Wake up already!" he slapped my face trying to wake me up. I opened my eyes slowly bringing his face into focus, it was bloody, from the head wound but his eyes were bright and alive like they always had been ever since I first met him. It felt like ages since I had seen his personal wildfire burning behind gold eyes and with his face so close I couldn't resist. I acted on an impulse and grabbed his head closing the distance and kissing him before letting go.

He pulled back quickly eyes wide and mouth slightly open in shock as he looked at me.

"Edward, I'm so sorry" I sat up wondering why I didn't feel any pain form the car accident.

"… uh ok, for what?" he still looked stunned and slightly wary as if he wasn't sure what I would do next.

I was about to answer when I heard cackling from the corner. Looking around I realized I was in the room Edward had died in, only it was un-burnt, and Vega was tied up in the corner laughing through the bruising on his face. "What?" I asked trying to figure out what was going on. I looked back at Edward, who had stood up now, then I noticed that the blood on his face was the only blood on him… there was no bullet hole.

"Man Roy Boy! If I had known you swung that way I'd have done you back in the war!" Vega grinned finally stopping his laughter. Edward started busying himself with the notes on the table.

"Well Colonel since I did all the work capturing him you can drag him out of here" Edward muttered not looking at me while he shuffled through the papers.

_I know what happened… I felt the blood, felt him get cold… I'm probably having a dream, that's it, I'm dyeing and this is just the last dream… but what if… I know how realistic his nightmares are… but Edward died!_

"Colonel? Are you listening?" it was my turn to jerk back when I saw Edward's face close to mine pulling me out of my thoughts.

"What, is it Edward" I sighed. Still trying to fit everything into place.

"… Are you ok colonel?" Edward asked.

"Fine, why do you ask?" I decided to just go along with it like that one dream Edward had told me I should do.

"… I didn't know if you still knew my real name is all" Edward growled, "sorry I asked. Anyway I have all the notes are you ready to get out of here?"

_Of course I know your real name, how could I not?_"Watch it Fullmetal, you really shouldn't be giving me orders like that" I said instinctually fitting back in place the commanding officer persona I used around him but feeling too tired to put the same effect in my voice. I just wanted to curl up and sleep for a year I felt so drained. I sighed standing and finding Edward had made a rolling wagon for Vega so it was easier to drag him through the tunnels. Edward walked ahead arms full of papers and a torch to light the way. I hung back a little thinking about everything.

"Watch out for the rocks, that little brat bruised me up good after I put you in the nightmare sleep" Vega grumbled after I pulled him over a large rock jostling him roughly.

"I don't care about your comfort bastard… wait you put _me_ in the nightmare?"

Vega smirked "oh yes, I meant to get that damn kid but you jumped in the way… mind telling me what you saw, you always had the best nightmares Roy" he laughed before I jerked him over another large rock "ow damn that hurt I'm old take pity on me" Vega continued complaining but I stopped listening to anything lost in thought.

Later after we'd locked Vega up for the night until we could take him back to central and retired to our own room I was watching Edward as he finished bandaging the cut on his forehead while I tried to figure out what to say, I knew we had to talk, I just didn't want to scare him anymore than I already had, he'd been tiptoeing on glass around me since I woke up… well I suppose it is understandable but…still.

"Fullmetal why did you go after Vega alone ignoring my orders." _Oh no, that isn't what I wanted to say! Damn now he'll get pissed off and we will end up shouting at each other again! Damn why of all the things I could have said!_

Predictably Edward turned glaring at me "I had no choice, it was that or let him get a little girl!" he hissed "and anyway you weren't exactly much help when you did show up! I had things under control you know, I can take care of myself!" he growled trying to brush past me out of the bathroom but I grabbed his arm needing to finish the conversation. "Let go of me Bastard!" Edward bristled turning to face me again.

"… Not yet, we aren't done talking, now I want to know what happened from when we split up to when I woke up" _…better but still not what I wanted to say to him… though I did want to talk about this eventually… maybe the third time's the charm._

Edward sighed obviously testy but resigning himself. "Fine, let go of me first though"

"Glad to see you cooperating for once" _why? Damn he's right I am a bastard to him!_

Edward huffed closing his eyes, it was a habit he had developed after they got their bodies back, at least as far as I knew, he had matured and that was the sign that he was collecting himself. "Right so after we split up…" he started opening his eyes but not looking at me. "I started checking out around the more remote areas that would make good hiding places, I must have been looking around for most of the day when I heard a girl scream." Edward frowned his fists clenching, I knew he had a soft spot for little girls probably little kids in general, along with a few bad experiences of not being able to help them. "I saw him pulling her into the shack. I got her away from him but he ran into the shack so I followed, I didn't find him in there but he had set up a bomb, I didn't know about the tunnel, I had just been trying to build an earth shelter but fell through into the tunnel. He was laughing like an idiot so I followed that finding him in that room." Edward finally looked at me again "… thanks by the way… for uh… getting in the way of that alchemy…" he looked uncomfortable saying that "anyway uh, well you came in after a bit and, well got in the way of the alchemy, you passed out, or something, but it gave me a chance to get closer to him he may be good long range but his hand to hand sucks. After I incapacitated him I tried to wake you up, and finally you did, there end of story" he turned trying again to leave.

"… Yes about that, I still have a few questions for you" I said.

"Of course you do" Edward moaned sounding more tired than anything else.

"First of all, are you sure, positive I was the one hit by the alchemy?" I needed to know this, it was crucial to my sanity.

He looked at me strongly "yeah I'm sure…" he looked thoughtful for a second before laughing a bit "well I was, but that kiss made me wonder"

I felt my heart rip itself in half but that statement gave me the perfect opportunity for the other pressing concern "about that kiss…"

"don't worry, it never happened right, look Mustang you were out of it, I get that, I have grown up since we first met in case you hadn't noticed" he said.

_Oh I had noticed alright_, I was having a mental war with myself, part of me wanted to use his given excuse and just continue our relationship like normal, since he obviously didn't feel the same about me, but another part, a part still dancing at the thought that his death had all been a terribly dream and nothing more screamed at me to confess, after all the worst that could happen is he rejects me… oh that would be bad, I never have ever been rejected, oh no that would kill me… but I have to, I can't die not knowing, worse yet I can't have him die without knowing for sure if there was any chance… rejection or not ever knowing.

On one hand if I never know I can still entertain the hope of a real relationship with him, though if there really is and I never know I will lose out on the actualization.

On the other hand if I tell him and he rejects me the hope will die with the knowledge and he may even not want to be in my unit at all, I may not even get to see him at all anymore! But if he says yes then we… dare I think it, we could have something together.

"… Colonel?" Edward looked at me quizzically "are you alright?"

"…" _oh no I have paused too long, what if he finds out what I'm thinking! Get a hold of yourself he can't read minds… I don't think… can he? No of course not or he would already know. Wait where was I going with this… oh right!_ "Actually Edward, that's not what I wanted to say about it" _oh well I'm dead no going back now, damn you heart why are you trying to kill me!_ "Edward, for some time now I have held feelings for you, and, while it wasn't really the best of conditions I rather enjoyed that kiss, what I need to know is how you feel about it, and about me"

Edward stared at me in shock again and I waited for the ax to fall. "… Do you realize what you are saying?"

"Yes Edward, I am in love with you, I can't deny it any longer" _please just say you hate me and be done with it, I never took you as the type to be this cruel!_ Before any more thoughts could form all thinking in my head came to a screeching halt as Edwards lips pressed against my own, before I fully comprehended what had happened he pulled away looking thoughtful.

"I never allowed myself to entertain the thoughts seriously but I did have them, I figured you'd call me a freak so whenever they came up I squashed them. Besides the fact that I thought you hated me… you had better mean what you said Mustang, and this had better not be some sick joke" he said blushing but looking serious at the same time.

_Did he just…_ "Of course I meant it Edward!" I said feeling my heart doing back flips in a good way "every word and more, I love you, only you." I smiled thinking how it was ironic that it was a nightmare of losing him that gave me him as I wrapped my arms around him pulling him closer before we kissed again our first with both of us participating. "I'll never let anything hurt you" I murmured after we had to stop kissing for air, but still holding him.

"I'm not some weak little girl" Edward grumbled "so don't you dare think you can treat me like one"

"I didn't mean to insult you Edward" I sighed "but that's just how I show my love, by protecting those I care for" I closed my eyes swallowing hard as I once again saw Edward's corpse in that horrible room determined that nothing like that would ever happen for real.

"Roy?" he looked up at me looking concerned "… why are you crying?" he asked pulling away.

I blinked before wipeing my eyes finding that tears had been cascading down my face "… nothing" I said stifling the flow and brushing away the ones that had already fallen, unwilling to tell him why.

Edward frowned "Listen here… Roy" he seemed a little unsure if he should use my first name like that judging by his tone and the pause "love is two ways, if you're going to insist on taking care of me I'm going to take care of you too. Now tell me what's wrong!"

I smirked "equivalent exchange?" he blushed looking away. "you're right though" I sighed resigning myself to tell him "… I was just remembering the… the nightmare I had"

He looked up curiosity mixed with concern on his face. "… what was it about?" he asked softly after I remained silent for too long.

I looked away finding the floor very fascinating right now "I lost you" I whispered "you… you were killed in front of me, and I couldn't do anything…"

"I'm right here, and I'm not going anywhere" Edward said hugging me I looked at him a bit startled and he looked at me smileing and then my heart soared, on his face was that look of love I had so longed for since I had first seen it, and it was all for me.

**There will be one more chapter, it will be more along the lines of an Epiloge to just close up a few more things i want to wrap together, and will take place after a time skip. thanks to all my readers and especialy to my reveiwers! please push the button below!**


	7. Epilogue

**Well this is the last chapter… wow I can't believe this is over, I had a lot of fun writing this… my roommate probably thought I was going insane but oh well.**

**It was the part of Roy being in the nightmare that DragonGirl90, my roommate guessed up to, I am kind of happy that most of you didn't seem to see that coming since that was the plan the whole time, just the part after was in doubt, and I was a little worried that when I wrote it I may have dropped too many hints that would make that outcome something people would assume, I kind of like throwing things like that out for the readers.**

**On another note… this chapter was so hard to write! Argh! I mean it, I think because it has a different tone than the rest of the story and still had to make it fit in somehow and I have issues with the idea that anything ends… because endings are beginnings… never mind that rant can wait for another day. I wrote, erased, re wrote, and re erased at least three other ideas before I came up with this particular ending, I am pleased with it though so I think it was worth it. I hope at least a few of you agree.**

**Just FYI this takes place roughly seven years in the future from where it left off. Yes, major time skip so sue me… not really I'm a broke college student who can barely feed my anime addiction from the stuff I get for free online…**

**Enough of that though, as per usual I do not own FMA … yet ;) muahahahah!**

**Epilogue:**

_They say that dreams are just for the young who don't know any better, and that happily ever is only in story books. They say that the knight rarely slays the dragon and saves the princess in real life, they say that true love cannot conquer all like the stories say happens all the time._

_And maybe they are right that there aren't any stories where the hero swoops in and saves the day living with his prize forever in bliss. _

"Daddy!" I grunted as the little brown haired ball of energy Edward and I had adopted a year ago, after I had become the leader of the country, and made my first act that of giving homosexual couples the same rights as heterosexual ones, and promptly married Ed, jumped on me. "Daddy says you need to come down now!" the boy ginned showing his missing two front teeth. I ruffled his hair sitting up.

"Well then I guess I shouldn't keep him waiting" I laughed. Richard, our son had no problem with having two 'daddies' though it got confusing sometimes when he forgot to differentiate which one of us he was talking about. Richard smiled and giggled before he darted off down the stairs quickly. I followed at a slower pace walking into the living room only to find it dark and empty. "Rich? Ed?" I asked looking around.

"Surprise!" the lights flicked on and several people jumped out from behind the furniture including Rich who must have been grabbed by Alphonse since he leapt at me from Alphonse's grip.

"What?" I asked unsure of what was going on.

"Don't tell me you forgot your own birthday _again_" Ed sighed coming up behind me and wrapping his arms around my neck from behind "really how do you expect to run the country like this?"

"Isn't that what you are for?" I asked grinning at him as I looked at him out of the corner of my eye as everyone else finished getting out of their hiding places.

"Here Uncle Roy! Happy birthday!" Sarah and Trisha, Alphonse and Winry's twin daughters, about seven years old now, said each holding out a colorfully wrapped box.

"Can we have cake now Daddy?" Richard asked tugging on Ed's pant leg.

Ed grinned into my neck "well that depends on the birthday boy doesn't it" he laughed and I felt like smacking him for diverting the child onto me.

Four sets of child eyes locked onto me. Sarah, Trisha, and Mike, Alphonse and Winry's three kids, and Richard of course, were all looking at me expectantly.

"Alright" I agreed and the kids darted off to the kitchen in anticipation followed by the others who wished me happy birthday as they passed.

"You have no idea how hard it was to keep them out of it until you woke up" Ed laughed as there were shouts that signaled the kids fighting over who got the bigger piece of cake. "After they all leave, I've asked Elicia to take care Rich for the night" Ed added grinning mischievously at me as he walked into the kitchen as well and I had to grin too knowing what that meant.

"Can't you chase them away right now?" I pouted through my grin.

"You are hardly deprived" Ed said, "and besides you forgot it again so a few more hours shouldn't be too bad"

"So that is the respect the leader of the country gets?"

"Yep, enough idiots fawn over you and do anything you say, you need someone to keep your ego in check" he said walking back when I didn't follow him "I'll make up for it tonight. Now come on the kids will eat all the cake if you don't hurry up" he said softly kissing me before he dragged me to the kitchen as well.

Later the now sugar high kids were playing one of their favorite games, tackle Edward. The four of them were all chasing Ed around the back yard until Black Hayate, who seemed to think the game looked fun tripped Edward up and the kids all jumped on his back claiming victory. Of course the rest of us let Ed fend for himself, sugar high kids were vicious.

"Daddy?" Richard asked looking upside down at Ed sitting on his shoulders and leaning over when Ed quit moving under the four kids and closed his eyes. The other kids seemed to notice that Ed wasn't moving anymore because they got off and looked at him poking him in the shoulder. I could see Ed holding in a grin so I wasn't worried but the kids didn't seem to know what to make of it. Rich got off last and turned his back on Ed to look at me rather concerned looking. "Daddy what's wrong with Daddy?"

Before I could answer Ed roared and tackled Rich and started tickling the boy's ribs while Rich started laughing hysterically and wiggling to get free. The other kids blinked in surprise before Ed looked up grinning after Rich was completely breathless and, though no longer being tickled, still laughing a bit. The other kids gulped and started running as Ed chased them around all of them laughing and the dog even more excited started helping Ed capture the kids.

It was such a perfect scene, and I watched them go on until Ed was worn out and left the dog to entertain the kids who still had energy to spare. Ed sat down next to me on the bench and grinned at me breathing heavily from the games he'd been playing. "Are you having fun Roy?" he asked leaning against my shoulder.

"Hmm?" I looked at him smiling "not as much as you seemed to be"

"Aw, I'm sure they would play with you too, kids don't care who runs the country."

"I'd rather play with you"

"Is that all you ever think of?" He pouted.

"I just hope you didn't use all your energy on them" I grinned kissing him.

"Aw are you jealous, how cute" he grinned "don't worry Roy, not even Rich could take me from you"

I smiled petting his head he half closed his eyes letting out a content hum. "Good to know" I said watching the kids play. Everything was good; I had Ed leaning against me, friends around me, a son laughing his head off with his cousins in front of me.

_Because when I was a kid I had it all planned out, what I would do with my life was as clear to me as if it were set in stone. And nothing could keep it from going to plan. _

_I would marry the world's most beautiful blond, and we would have the happiest of ever afters. My ending was as good as scripted, mapped in the stars._

_But no story book, no child's day dream, nothing anyone could ever make up could compare to the happiest of ever afters I have found with my love, surrounded by my friends and family, in a life that once seemed forever denied me. That is my stunning reality._

**Yay! Thank you all for reading this story, I loved getting the reviews, I would love more if you can give them… **

**Oh and my poor virgin mind whimpered when I wrote that part about Ed's birthday present to Roy… oh I am so painfully virgin I think that may be as far as I will be able to go… if I write them in bed together it will always stay with the pants on because my poor virgin mind… though I read things like that sometimes… will not let me write it.**

**Anyway thank you all, and I hope you will read stories I may post in the future! Goodbye for now everyone! And please review :) **


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